


Inconceivable!

by ivanolix



Category: Battlestar Galactica (2003)
Genre: Canon - TV, Canon Het Relationship, Children, F/M, Future Fic, Post Season 4, Storytelling, Wordcount: 1.000-5.000
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-06-07
Updated: 2011-06-07
Packaged: 2017-10-24 12:21:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,201
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/263418
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ivanolix/pseuds/ivanolix
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"As you wish," Gaius said. As you wish was all he ever said to her.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Inconceivable!

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to everyone who encouraged me to write this crack. Most of this story is obviously stolen from/inspired by The Princess Bride and Firefly.

Quentin sat in the middle of his bed, legs crossed, playing with the stick figurines his mother had carved for him. His flushed cheeks and sniffly breathing made him look in need of a good snuggle and some warm soup, but the ferocity on his face was hardly a matter for joking.

"And we shall call it, this land!" he declared, waving one of the figures dramatically. Voice dropping in tone, he responded as the other toy, "I think we should call it your grave." Quentin gasped dramatically, the first toy backing away and crying in his voice, "Curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal!"

"Quentin," the boy's mother chuckled as she entered the room, sitting next to him on the cot and stroking his soft curls. "You have a visitor—your grandfather."

His hand drooped, dropping the toys to the blanket. "Not grandpa," he whined, suddenly a seven-year-old boy again. "Can't you tell him I'm sick?"

Quentin's mother shook her head with a slow smile. "That's why he's here. Now come on, put the toys away, it'll be fun."

The boy had only time for a short sigh, and then the old man came through the door with a satisfied grin on his face. "Quentin...how's the sick one, hey?"

"Hi grandpa," Quentin said wearily.

"I'll leave you two alone," the mother said, patting her father on the shoulder as she got up to leave.

"I brought you a present," Quentin's grandfather said, patting his grandson's knee. "It's a story."

The boy grimaced. "I'm too old for bedtime stories."

"Nonsense." The old man shook his head, adjusting his ragged suit coat and long grey hair. "I used to tell this story to your mother, and today I'm going to tell it to you."

"Does it have war in it?" Quentin asked hopefully, resigning himself to his fate. No one, not even grandmother, could truly deny his grandfather.

Quentin's grandfather smirked. "Does it ever... War, betrayal, torture, revenge, chases, escapes, robots, true love, miracles."

The boy shrugged. "Doesn't sound too bad. I'll try to stay awake."

The old man eyed him dryly. "Oh. Thank you very much, your vote of confidence is overwhelming." With a slight shake of his head, he laid his hands over his knees and began the tale...

 _Caprica was raised on a small farm on the planet of Aerilon, before the Cylons had made any move against the Colonies. Her favorite pastimes were strategizing with her Centurion, and tormenting the human farmboy that worked there. His name was Gaius, but she never called him that. Nothing gave Caprica as much pleasure as ordering him around._

 _"Farmboy, polish my Centurion," she ordered, white-blonde curls swaying as she glided past the young man. "I wish to see my face shining in it by morning."_

 _"As you wish," Gaius said. As you wish was all he ever said to her._

 _"Farmboy, give me access to the Colonies' Defense Mainframe."_

 _"As you wish."_

 _It was that day she discovered, that when Gaius said 'As you wish', what he really meant was 'I love you'. And she was amazed to discover that she loved him back._

"Wait a minute!" Quentin interrupted, annoyed. He leaned forward suspiciously. "Is this a kissing story?"

His grandfather glared a little. "Be patient."

"When does it get good?" the boy asked, arms flailing.

The old man merely huffed and continued.

 _Since Caprica was a Cylon, and Gaius was only human, it was not long before she had to give up her love. The farmboy Gaius said to her, "I will always love you." But before he could fulfill his promise, the entire planet was nuked and Gaius was killed._

Quentin perked up. "Nuked by Cylons is good."

His grandfather ignored that and carried on.

 _When Caprica awoke in the resurrection tub, knowing that her Gaius was truly killed in the cause of the Cylon revolution, she went to her room and shut the door. "I shall never love again," she swore to herself._

So the story truly began. Quentin's grandfather gestured with his hands as he wove the complicated tale, including the dull giant Galen Tyrol, the brilliant young man Lee Adama seeking revenge for his father's death, Doc Cottle as the doctor with a gruff but magic touch, and the many many more colorful characters that populated the love story of Gaius and Caprica. The man had not lied; Gaius was tortured, Caprica was betrayed, and the human ships and Pirate Cylon ships continually chased and escaped each other. Finally, as Quentin sat forward, eyes bright with concern for the young characters in love, Quentin's grandfather came to the end of the tale.

 _They stood after the last battle, Gaius smiling at Caprica, who marveled at how he'd rescued her from Prince Cavil with the help of Hera. Doc Cottle's magnificence had indeed saved a miracle baby. And as they said farewell to all their friends, and Gaius gave up his role of pirate to the Centurions, he turned to Caprica with love on his face._

 _"We can't go home to the farm on Aerilon," he said, with a sad smile. "But we can make another one here. I do know about farming."_

 _"You do," Caprica answered, and smiled, and—_

With that, Quentin's grandfather stopped short.

"And what?" Quentin demanded.

The old man shrugged. "It's kissing again, you don't want to hear that."

Twisting up his face in what was supposed to be a grimace, the boy muttered, "Maybe I don't mind so much..."

With a rather smug look, then, his grandfather continued.

 _—and she kissed him. Since the invention of the kiss, there have been five kisses that were rated the most passionate, the most pure. This one left them all behind. The End._

"And now," he said in his normal voice, patting Quentin's knee, "you should sleep."

"Alright," Quentin said, but only a little reluctantly. "But if I'm still sick tomorrow...will you come read me the story again?"

His grandfather had risen and walked to the door, but he glanced back and with a soft smile, nodded, and said: "As you wish."

Closing the door behind him, the old man stopped to see his daughter before leaving the house.

"Did he enjoy it?" she asked, giving her father a hug.

"Of course he did," he said with a snort. "I'm a brilliant storyteller."

His daughter chuckled and slapped his arm. "Oh father... Well, make sure you give both our love to mother, and tell her she's always welcome. Quentin would love Grandma Caprica to come visit someday, not just Grandpa Gaius."

He smiled a bit and nodded with a wink. "As you wish."

She laughed, and Quentin's grandfather left. Once, the story he'd told his grandson would have been called lying, something the old man used to consider his greatest talent. But the years had changed Gaius and the culture he lived in. Now...now, he could label the story for what it truly was. Myth, the greatest paradox of truth and lies to exist in the known universe. Story or not, he was going home to his true love Caprica, on their little farm, where they would continue to live happily ever after.


End file.
